Walk like an Egyptian…

Just recently I came across this guy that was having trouble with this Egyptian girl that he met here.  His description of this girl was that of a guy that truly loved her, but with confusion deteriorating his mind.  As I was listening to his story, sadness and resentment for this girl was slowly succumbing into my existent.   His description of her was that her approach to life was that of Christianity, but as my ears was more in tuned to his story, I realized that her Christianity was farce.   Her role as being a so-called Christian was mainly due to the intense insanity that was thrusted upon by her parents and her society in Egypt and the Muslim world…it wasn’t through the well known book as we all know of as the bible.

Role models and the people that we admire has been in our existent since we were children and even into adulthood.  If we respect someone with 100% of all our hearts and our admiration was that of high regard, we would try to do everything to at least to be like them in some way or form.  Even in the smallest form of copying their morals and ethics that this person does.  This girl (we will call her S) has this admiration of Jesus, the same Jesus that we all respect and read about in the Bible.  Her so called admiration has led her to put a picture of Jesus on her cell phone as her wallpaper as well as her Facebook profile pic…I could just imagine what her room in Egypt looks like, it will probably have crosses and pics of Jesus and Marry hung up like Christmas lights on Christmas day.  100 Crosses probably lined her walls in her home, pics of Jesus and Mary are prolific throughout her home and probably staring at Jesus while taking a crap in the bathroom.  Being a Christian is cool, no doubt about it but when you begin to state to everyone that you’re a Christian and hold your head up high because of this fact, then it might be a good idea to look up for a “true” reason of your head tilting up.  My feelings is this… I do remember a time in my life when Miami Vice was the most popular TV show in the 80’s, so popular that I didn’t wear socks, wore all white just like Don Johnson and tried to imitate his movements, how dorky was this but my admiration was that high that I wanted to be just like him.  I’m assuming the same thing with the Jesus pics that S situated on her cell phone, Facebook and probably her entire room in Egypt.  The obvious is that S does respect and admire Jesus through her so called pic’s but then again her admiration does not extend beyond that.  It is just pics and nothing more, she does not represent him in no way or form, nor follow what Jesus was really about.  When I read the Bible (twice), I do realize that Jesus was a very humble man, so humble that he did not care about where he slept, who he spoke to, what other people said about him and not concerned with the materialistic things such as money, nice clothes or grey poupon.  His only concern was that of serving his father and doing his father’s wishes and letting him lead the way.  S actually had enough audacity to ask this guy for $15,000 before they got married and she requested it, her excuse was that this is what Egyptian’s do.  I don’t remember Jesus asking for any amount of money when he was healing people, nevertheless for any other reason.  S even stated that she would not move in with him when they got married until he bought a home and that she refuse to move into an apartment, doesn’t the Bible state that when marriage occurs that 2 becomes 1.  Another statement by S was that all of her cousins own a home after marriage (in Egypt) and that an apartment is not good enough…well, this is America and at least more than half of Americans lives in apartments.  She also stated that he should be better than the other Americans by owning a home…the word is this “he should be better”, where is being humble.  Jesus never thought that he was better than anyone, he has always thought of himself of being lower than anyone else…this was Jesus’s explanation of being humble.  The Bible also states that a wife should respect the husband in every way and vice versa, obviously…she doesn’t.  Her favorite word for people that does not agree with her proposition in life is that, “he/she is abnormal”.  So what is abnormal?  My opinion, someone who does not or not willing to obey or believe in the same situation as your own beliefs.  By her saying that other people are abnormal, she is judging people against her own beliefs.  Jesus never judged people for their abnormalities or for anything else.  Here is my honest opinion of this girl in Egypt… I have met this girl and I will admit…she is a Fu*&^ing knock out, HOTT, SMOKIN, beautiful ect… but her parents has corrupted her mind so much to make her believe the total opposite of what the bible actually stand for.  The proof is what I just stated above…  This guy really does want to marry her and he does love her tremendously and willing to do anything and everything for her, but her willingness to do anything for him is nonexistent.  She refuse to move in with him without a home even though he does make good money, she wants the amenity of being a high class society right away without working at it, does not believe in his desires and goals in life, do I need to say more?  Forgot to point out another important fact… she also stated that if they get married in the USA, then the marriage will be only for paper and no love making thereafter, but if they get married in Egypt, then the marriage will be 100% legit in her eyes.  I don’t remember the Bible stating that marriage is prohibited in the USA but marriage is only accepted in Egypt…WTF is this????????  The Bible states that a marriage is a union of the 2 and never stated where the marriage should take place as long as the union has been established, it is considered a marriage in the lord’s eye.  But I forgot…she is a CHRISTIAN and she knows what is best.  Being a Christian other than an Egyptian Christian is abnormal????   I will have to admit that her parents have corrupted her mind so much on the fake Christianity than what the Bible actually stipulates, unless her parents gave her a satanic Bible then I might actually understand how her shady mind believes in certain things that she does…she reminds me of a Catholic.

Conclusion:  This guy I spoke to loves this Egyptian girl very much, she has done something to him that no other girl has done in a long time, but the trust in the marriage (if it ever occurs) has left a lot of doubt in his mind.  She claims that she is a Christian but does not follow what a “REAL” Christian does or follows what a “TRUE” Christian suppose to do and that is to follow what Jesus actually stands for.  She has contradicted what a true Christianity is suppose to be about.  He is willing to make compromises in the marriage but she also has to make compromises too, if she doesn’t…then the marriage will end in a divorce.  Marriage is suppose to be about compromise and willing to sacrifice certain things in your life for each other…it’s called a marriage.

 

Beauty, the ugly truth!

Beauty…is it really in the eyes of the beholder?  I must say that the answer can go both ways.  I just recently got a question through my website, www.askkkellyforadvice.com, asking me how this girl can turn herself from a lonely ugly duckling to a beautiful daffodil.  She did state that she was very much overweight and had a low self esteem of herself.  I do love the brutality of my words that I speak, but this was different, I was in her shoes at one moment in my life.  During my high school era, my looks were not much to be desired.  My hair still had the calling of the 60s generation, pus forming all over my insulated face to put the double pepperoni pizza to shame, my attire was shrewd and my tongue was being inhabited by a bunch of words that was trying to escape.  Present day…I am the schizzle and now I look at the back of peoples head instead of their heels.  With this girl, my brutality was there as well as my sympathy.  The saying, “Beauty, the ugly truth” is more tune to reality than “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.”  Today’s society can be a cruel lurking creature ready to pounce on anyone that they feel threatened by or better than themselves or simply put, “They don’t give a fu** about how the emotions of others are affected, people are more consumed by their own self and gratification!!!”  Even though a person might feel beautiful and complete within themselves, society has this cruel tendency to knock you down every chance it gets, after awhile, a person can only take but so much before the beauty within themselves turn into something repulsive.  The question now is, “Why is society or any individual so cruel to bring down anyone just because they feel threatened, nevertheless hatred?”  The answer only lies within ourselves and our own attribute.  Can we as humans still maintain the beauty within us even though society keeps on hammering away at us until we are nothing but a flat surface against the wall?  It takes a great deal of strength to preserve the integrity within us as we still hold our heads up high and ignore what humanity has thrown upon our shoulders.  Every individual has this rose bud ready to be blossomed from within.  It takes water, nurturing and love to make the bud blossom and turn the thorny bush into something exquisite.  With this girl, where will the water come from since she has the weight of isolation and abandonment already positioned itself into her life?  The very first step that anyone needs to do is the grab the pitcher of water them self and give it to someone to water.  The very first step is within us and our desire to change by altering our own perception of us.  The real ugly truth about beauty is this:  when a person is beautiful on the outside and uses it to their advantage by mistreating others or by even with the thought of them being better than anyone else…now that’s ugly!!!  Even uglier…someone who fakes on being beautiful on the inside by acting as if they were the innocent one but still continue believing that they are beautiful.  The reality: we are all beautiful in our own way and form.  Its how we use our beauty to enhance this world is what makes us really striking.  With this girl, she was already beautiful on the inside but she just needed a helping hand to transform her outer appearance.  Us, as a society, needs to learn that if we don’t like the outer appearance of any individual, we need to embrace our tongues as well as our abhorrence toward any entity.  The tongue can be the worst weapon that anyone can attain, it’s how we use it will actually define if we are truly beautiful or not.  So are you beautiful???

10 Ways to Study Effectively…

I can remember a time when I went to school and with it, came no time for enjoyment in my life or any time for myself.  After the first semester, my body was getting to a point of exhaustion.  Exhaustion due to 16 -18 credit hours, working full time, clinical as well as trying to find time for studying.  So one day, I sat back and evaluated my circumstances and tried to figure out how I can squeeze in everything in a 24 hour period and still have enough time for enjoyment.  After a whole day of thinking, even though I couldn’t afford to spend that day to think about time management, I made a plan and put it into action the next day.  I realized after the first week of putting this plan into action, I did have time for myself as well as 6 hours of sleep per day and my grades improved.  So the question is, how can we pick our nose and still maintain to insert information into our minds?

1. In life as well as the school life, everyone needs to get organized. This might entail you buying some folders, small recorder with the cassettes (not the digital) and extra notebooks of course. Before you start getting organized, ask yourself this one question, “Have you ever searched anywhere from 2-10 minutes just trying to find that one piece of paper that you really needed?” The answer is probably a yes!!! If so, then let’s start organizing. First, get out all your books, notebooks, everything.  Start putting everything in piles of each subject that you have.  Start organizing your notes by Chapters, from 1 to whatever in each of your subjects. Stick those in one of the folders that you have bought (this does include all the papers that you have in your textbook as well).  Now all your loose paper should be gone and organized, now you should only be left with 1 folder (or if you needed 2 folders, label the folders such as “Chapters 1-5”), a textbook and/or lab book and a notebook for each of your subjects.  This was simple enough, but now the problem is getting your lazy butt to keep it that way.  As soon as you get a handout or any type of paper from class, put it in the folder right away.  Wouldn’t it save you time to go directly to that folder and find that piece of paper in 5 seconds instead of 5 minutes looking for that paper? 
2. If possible, get a computer.  Instead of spending money on beers and who knows what else, invest in a computer, preferably a laptop.  You can find a good used one for 3 – 5 hundred easy on eBay or Craigslist, it doesn’t need to have a bunch of garbage on it and be high tech as long as it has about 20 gigs of free space, DVD/CD player and capable of surfing the web.  If you can’t afford one, get a memory stick of at least 20 gigs and put it on your keychain and not just in your pocket.  You will be more prone to losing it in your pocket instead of your keychain.  Now start storing everything on a computer or the stick of your notes.  Just because you got a computer now, don’t let this teach you to be lazy, organize your computer by subjects as well and make a folder for each of your class.  Heck, take your laptop with you in class and start taking notes on Word, if you know how to type (and you should learn btw) then typing would be quicker than handwriting the notes.  If note taking requires you to draw diagrams, use the paint feature and copy and paste.  If you’re not computer savvy, then perhaps, you need to take a computer course.  Reality check, just about every job involves computers, even McDonalds.  Now since you have a storage device, save all your work and don’t delete anything, this includes when you go into the next semester or the next.  Here is why!  I do remember a time when I wrote a paper on the cause and effect of Diabetes, lucky for me, the next semester, another teacher asked for the same thing.  I just printed it, read it and turned it in.  A lot of time I just saved.  When doing this of course, just make sure that you got at least a C on the first paper you wrote so the only thing you have to do is just to polish it up a bit.  If you got anything below a C, then my advice is to rewrite the whole paper.  If you did get any paper below a C, then maybe you should sign up for another English course.
3. When studying, only concentrate on one subject at a time.  You don’t need your mind to think about the molecular structure of a cell and then trying to figure out the mathematical formula for the radius of a circle at the same time.  Your mind is already in overdrive cluttered up with so much information.  As well as your body, your mind needs a break to. Don’t overload it, if you do, your mind will store the information in the short term memory rather than the long term.  In other words, your brain won’t remember anything so you’re just wasting your time trying to study for two subjects instead of one. 
4. Reading!!! AAGGHH!!!  I bet majority of you out there has fallen asleep reading your school books, nevertheless, just looking at the pages. There is no easy way of getting out of reading, you have to do it.  Reading does take majority of time when it comes to studying.  So when and where do you have time to read? Everywhere and every time!  Here is the trick that I learned while reading.  A typical class is 50 minutes or 1 hour and 20 minutes, more or less.  Read in class, simple.  While in class, that is 50 – 80 minutes of reading time that you can allot.  While reading, don’t be afraid to highlight.  No professor or teacher will get on your butt for reading in class or highlighting.  The question is, can you pay attention to the lecture while your mind is reading?  The simple answer is yes.  Majority of the teachers follow from beginning to the end of the chapter, this is where you come in to read.  While the teacher is lecturing about the chapter, follow along as well as reading, then highlight the main points. This sounds simple and it really is, it just takes practice.  By the end of class, you should have the chapter read or at least most of it.
5. Highlight your book and don’t be afraid.  I do realize that bookstores do not buy back the books if it is highlighted. Do you want to sacrifice the money that you are going to get back or your education and your future career?  Hummm, tough question there!
6. Here is where the small tape recorder comes in with cassettes as I have mentioned.  During your highlighting stage, you should have highlighted only the main and strong points of the book.  After your first test, you should have the basic idea of what is on the test and what is covered.  So get your book out and start reading what you have highlighted in your book into the recorder.  Do this with all your subjects and categorize the cassettes, such as, “Psych 101 Chap. 1-2”.  This process should not take that long since your only reading what you have highlighted unless you’re a highlighting freak.  The point is, keep up on the recording when you go through the chapters in class.  Now since you have got the recordings, study with them. This does include listening to them in the car, at work, while you’re walking in between class, even eating at Burger King.  The point of this is to save time as well as studying at the same time.  Once you get in a habit of this, you will be amazed at how much time you can save just by listening to your notes that you have recorded instead of being at the library or at your desk with your book trying to cram everything into your brain all at once.  With this, you can be listening to the notes more than once, twice or a lot more in which would benefit you because then it would be stored in your long term memory instead. 
7. Diagrams and pictures.  With the recordings, there is a down side to this. You cannot see diagrams or pictures such as the skeletal system or the structure of a cell.  With this type of situation is where the copier can be your best friend.  Copy the diagrams or pictures from your book and label the picture as, “A&P 101, diagram 1”. In your recordings, mention something in there like, “Look at A&P 101 diagram 1”.  This is so much more convenient than carrying around your 100$ book and turning to the pages to find what you need.  The only thing you would be carrying is a couple of pieces of paper and your recorder to study.  The advantage of this is that it would save your back from carrying your backpack everywhere and the convenience of studying anywhere and everywhere.  
8. Rest.  As the old cliché goes, your body needs 8 hours of sleep.  Just try to remember that your brain is part of your body and needs the same attention.  When studying, give your brain some relaxation time to absorb everything that you have studied for.  Study for an hour then grab yourself some coke or coffee, heck, grab a beer if that helps (but only one 12 oz can, don’t overdo it.)
9. I do realize that everyone is different when it comes to a place to study, so find a place where you feel the best that can better stimulate you to absorb all the information.  As being a bartender for so long, I felt more comfortable being at a bar to study.  I use to take my books, notes, recorder and my laptop to the darkest hole in a bar and possessed the table all to myself.  Feeling comfortable in an environment relaxes your brain to better absorb all the information that teachers are throwing at you.  This might seem a little strange to a lot of people but it worked for me, so now, find a place that works for you.
10. Number ten is the best of all, as the old Hank Williams Jr. song goes, “Get drunk and screw”.  Not literally of course, but then again??? The whole point is, your body is already stressed from the exhausted efforts of studying, family, working and the big “R” word (Responsibility).  Give yourself a break and go out with friends, drink, dance, run naked in the forest singing the Candy land song if you have to.  Just de-stress and try to give your body some one on one time.  Your mind is of no use if it is always tightened by the spasms of stress.  Just give yourself one on one time every now and then.  Don’t get too cocky!

I don’t mean that studying from your book is bad, but the recording idea is something to save time and to absorb vast amount of information on your free time such as driving, eating or even sleeping.  While attending school, your time is as precious as diamonds. These methods might not work for you but it did work for me.  The only problem was getting in a habit of doing all that I have mentioned above, such as highlighting, recording, copying and staying organized at all times.  From what I have learned by going through the techniques above is that after my habit has been established, my time for myself has increased.  Mainly due to myself saving time from reading, always having my nose in the books and by trying to memorize everything in such a short amount of time.   When I did go tackle the books to study, I realized that I already knew at least 80-90% of what I needed to know due to the information that was absorbed through the recordings.  So that only left up to 20% of what I needed to study for, there has even been times when I didn’t need crack open a book to study, the information was already there because I have heard it so many times while driving, eating and sleeping.  

While I was thinking of a way trying to find time to study, I realized that I had a lot of free time when I was driving, working, eating and sleeping.  This is the time that I could have used to be absorbing information instead of jamming out to Ozzy while driving; I even listened to the tapes while asleep so that my subconscious can take over at times. 

I do hope all this stuff helped, but if not, it’s Ok.  Everyone has a different side and a different way of studying based on their uniqueness.  My advice, stay in school and don’t ever give up on your destiny…www.askkellyforadvice.com

10 Ways to Lessen Heartache…

10 Ways to Lessen Heartache

Hello everyone, I’m Kelly, proud father, bartender of 16 years and the owner of www.askkellyforadvice.com. Throughout my bartending years, I have given so many advice about love, dating and about relationships (actually, this is the majority of the Advice that I do give). With these advice’s, I do know firsthand about love, dating and relationships.  Majority of you out there has dated, been in a relationship and probably been in love as well.  Being in love is great, the euphoria is amazing and knowing that you always have someone by your side brings down the loneliness that life sometimes brings.  Sometimes love don’t last and the love that you do carry inside your heart gets broken, with this, a totally different type emotions evolve…mainly hatred.  Having hatred inside your heart will only cause you to do destructive things; maybe not toward the other individual but maybe against your own self.  Before this happens, try doing the “10 Ways to Lessen Heartache” approach, hopefully this helps and if you need further advice about love, dating, relationship or anything else, visit me at www.askkellyforadvice.com.

1.  Breathe: Of course with everything else in life, if life gives you any types of misfortune…breathe.  Step back, take a deep breath and start counting to 10, 100, 1000, it doesn’t matter how far you have to count in order to just relax.  If counting doesn’t help, imagine horses jumping over a fence, yourself in a secluded island…anything in order to bring down your hostility…heck, get a cucumber if you have to. When a person is in a relaxed state of mode, then your ability to think clearly heightens.  When a love is lost, thinking clearly will be a difficult task, but it is possible.  Your mind is already jumbled about the what, when, why and how. 
2. Avoidance:  I have heard this saying, “Confront your fears!” When it comes to losing love, that saying is a bunch of B.S.  When you try to confront the love you have lost, it will only bring more heartache and pain, so what is the point; your trying to heal, not to pick at the scab and make it worse.  Avoid your ex as much as possible; this does include the ex and everything that reminds you of him or her.  This does include everything; restaurants that you went together with, parks, music you use to listen to, part of town, friends…everything.  If you use to listen to heavy metal while you were with your ex, then start listening to rap or R & B.  Avoid the restaurants you use to go together with, your mind don’t need to wonder about, “I use to sit at that table with ? and we use to order that.” Avoid your “common” friends that you two shared, you really don’t need for them to tell you what your ex is doing or who they are dating, it can slip out. If they were really your friends, then they will understand why you are avoiding them and they will always be there, if not; who needs friends like that anyway.  Avoid everything that reminds you of your ex.
3. Lose: Yup, the word lose or get rid of.  As in any relationship, while dating, a person does save certain memorabilia, such as flowers in a Ziploc bag, pictures, a necklace or even a T-shirt with the scent of your ex.  I do understand that you don’t want to get rid of these things, but you’re going to have to, it will be therapeutic, it’s saying your final good-bye.  If you really don’t want to lose them, then pack it up in a box, give it to one of “your” friend to hold and tell them, “Under no circumstances, do not give them to me until I have healed!!!”  With technology as it is now, you can save your pictures on Photobucket or Flickr, but there is a problem with this as well…you still have access to them.  This is where your friend comes into play.  Tell your friend to change the password to your account as well as the email to those accounts so that you don’t have access to them.  Later on down the line, after the pain has lifted, ask your friend to change the password and the email that is associated with that account to yours.  In the meantime, create another account for your new happy memories to come.  Lose or getting rid of just does not apply to materialistic things, this does include your ex’s phone number, address…everything.  It’s called the “delete” button on your phone. If the number is in your memory, give it time, you will soon forget.  The address, don’t even swing by there or even come close to where your ex lives.  If you have a friend that lives by there, then take a different route or tell them to meet you somewhere.
4. Change your info:  Yup again, change your info.  Now since you have lost his info, it’s time for you to do the same.  In some relationships, moving might be a priority…heck, even if it’s not, move anyway.  If your circumstances don’t allow it, move your furniture around or buy some new curtains to uplift the place a bit. If your ex does have a key to your place, maybe it’s time to change the locks.  As well as your home, change your phone number and only give it to the friends that you trust.  You don’t need your ex to call you just for a booty call if the other booty call doesn’t work out.  Yes, guys are pigs in that sense, thereafter, dump you again and not care about how your heart feels…women are the same way too.  These as well include emails; create another account just for you.  Lose any and every way for the two of you to connect.  The more you two stay in touch, the longer the pain will linger. 
5. Friends: Friends are a great resource to heal when your heart is aching so bad that you just want to gouge it out of your chest.  They will give you encouraging words when you feel like the world is falling apart.  Try to have friends with you as much as possible, this includes at work and after work.  When you’re with your friends, your thoughts or memories lighten a bit.  Any time that you don’t think of your ex is always a good thing.  Tell your friends that your texts may increase a bit or the phone calls might be more frequent until you begin to heal, if they are your “real friends”, then they will understand.  There will be times when the loneliness will kick in, if it does, start calling your friends or text like hell.  Try not to text about your ex, a simple text as, “Hey, what you doing?” then getting a text back, “Nothing, what you doing?” is good enough to get your mind off of things for a short time.  Friends are also great when you want to go out and have a few drinks to relax.  This can be a good and bad thing.  Good because your mind is elsewhere, even temporarily, but bad because alcohol is a depressant and can bring your mood down and your memories come forward along with the depression.  This is where you have to evaluate yourself on your tolerance and your emotional state when it does come to alcohol.  Instead of going to a bar, go to a movie, bowling…heck, go to an amusement park, what is so much more better than adrenaline pumping through your veins to forget. 
6. Start dating:  Just like it says, start dating!!!  Just because your heart is crushed and in the process of repair doesn’t mean for you to stay home and drown in your miseries.  Don’t let your ex or the “hope” of thinking that you two will get back to together stop you from going out with someone else.  More than likely, what do you think your ex is probably doing right now…dating!!!  When you do start dating, just make sure that you don’t go to the same restaurants that you and your ex went to.  You’re out on date with your date, not with your ex, so don’t let the memories of your ex interfere with your date.  The whole point is for you to have fun, forget and to heal.  You never know, the person you went out with could be your next lover or your next future partner, but at least give her/him a chance and don’t block out the possibilities.  Try doing something with your date that your ex didn’t want to do but that you always wanted to…create more memories, but happy ones this time.  Miniature golf, Go-Karts, Bowling or just be goofy and go to Dave n’ Busters or some other family oriented place and act like a kid.  The date is starting off brand new, so be yourself instead of the tight ass that you were when you were dating your ex.  Just stay away from the bar scène if possible, as I have said, alcohol is a depressant and who wants to hear a drunk going on and on about their ex.  You don’t want to wake up the next morning with regrets, but if that’s your thing; go for it…but always make sure the male partner has a Jimmy. 
7. Appearance: Changing your appearance is always a bonus. Who doesn’t feel good about wearing a new pair of spiffs, having a new hair dew or even getting your nails done?  You first have to feel good about yourself before the process of healing can ever begin.  When the pain of love does strike, the depression stage sets in and the only thing that you want to do is lounge around, eat and not do a damn thing.  Your attitude sometimes goes in the direction of, “I don’t care”, persona.  Your mind is always on the memories of your ex…snap out of it.  Once you start changing your appearance, even with just a brand new shirt or blouse, you begin to feel a little better about yourself and your appearance.  It doesn’t matter how drastic you have to go, change is the key.  You have to change your inner thoughts before the memories can start fading.  If you walk around in brand new spiffs, your hair done, and nails all painted, your attitude will skyrocket because you will walk around in self confidence without your head staring at other people’s shoes.  Hold your head up high, walk in confidence and strut your stuff because you are the schizzle.
8. Gym: The Gym is a great way to let out all your frustrations and your anger.  If you’re not a member, then join.  I do understand that there is a lot of you out there that is self conscious about your body and will feel weird or awkward going to the gym, this is understandable, but at least try a one month membership that many of the gyms do offer.  Remember what I said above about changing your appearance, changing your body is also a bonus and you will feel exhilarated. I do recommend that you first start off slow, you don’t want your ex to feel happy because you over worked your heart and exterminated yourself.  Exercise has a way of changing your inner thoughts as well, especially when you start seeing results begin to form.  It does have a tendency to relieve all the frustrations, emotions and pain that you carry.  It’s a place where you can take out your hostility on weights, treadmill and aerobics.   Your pillow probably is already soaked with tears and abused from all the aggression within you, give your pillow a break and take it out on a pair of barbells. If the gym isn’t your thing, then do pushups, sit-ups, squats, or take up jogging from the comfort of your home. 
9. Cry: There is nothing wrong with crying (especially to all the guys out there).  Consider crying as a self treatment for yourself.  Think of crying as a drug, your mental state is in one direction, then afterwards…another.  Crying has the same effect, but without damaging your body.  Crying is way of releasing all the emotions that has been bottled up inside you. It releases all the tension, agony, grief and the sadness.  Your heart aches so bad that it feels as though somebody put a 500 pound weight anchored to the bottom of your heart and weighing it down slowly.  Have a good and long cry, then the 500 lbs will only feel like a 100.  I know that this is no comfort; I’m not saying all the weight will be lifted, but any amount of burden lifted from your heart is always a relief. 
10.  Spiritual: I really do hate to bring religion into this, but it does help to heal the pain that you carry.  Everybody does have a different religion and believe in certain entities, but majority of us out there does believe in one black book.  Accepting the Lord into your heart, asking him for his forgiveness and letting him heal the wounds that was caused will lighten the load off.  God is in no hurry, I can assure you, but he does have his time.  He already knows what’s going to happen to you and knows what’s best for you.  He is our father and don’t fathers know what is best for us and the correct time that is best? Doesn’t a father guide you in the right direction? But it is up to you to accept his direction or not.  Even with all your anger and hatred that you might carry right now, just don’t say F U God, it’s not his fault…consider it as a promotion.  A promotion to make you into a better person. 

Love, what can I say about it?  It is a great feeling and feeling loved makes you feel good.  When the love is lost, the pain enters into your life and the feeling associated with it is horrific. The bad thing about the pain after love is the lingering effect that it has.  The pain just sits there, waiting and floating above your head like a storm cloud hovering, waiting to strike at any vulnerable moment.  It just lingers there, not wanting to go anywhere until when you ignore it enough times, then it finally gives up and preys upon another poor soul.  The only way to get rid of the lingering effect is to get a big umbrella and constantly ignoring the presence of it.  I never said it would be easy. 

Don’t let the lingering effect give you false “hopes” in thinking that you two will ever get back together again and the relationship will be better than before.  Come back to this side of reality, but do it quick.  It won’t get better nor will it ever has the opportunity to get better.  Ask yourself, “Why did the relationship break up in the first place?”  If you two did get back together, do you honestly think that the problems will just vanish…No!  It will always be there, maybe not in the back of your mind, but in the back of your ex’s.  The problem will still exist and no matter how much you try to ignore it, it is still there nipping away at your brain.  If you ever did get back together, another form of pain still exists, that is the stinging and the annoying voice in the back or your mind. 

One of my friends from a long time ago once told me that it takes half the time to get over love.  For instance, if you have been dating for one year, it will take 6 months to completely get over the pain. If you have been together for a year and a half (18 months), it will take you 9 months to get over the pain.  Actually, I have felt the pain of lost love and saw it among many of my clients as well and I do have to admit, that theory is true. Now you know approximately how long it will take for you to get over the pain, more or less. 

Some of the 10 things that I mentioned above might seem a little harsh and a little extreme, but when your heart is in pain, being a little harsh might help.  Some people can take loosing love easier than others so you would have to evaluate the level of pain that you do carry from one to ten, ten being the most.  If the level of pain is a ten, then do all the 10 things above.  If it’s at a level one, just laugh at yourself because it wasn’t love, maybe you got it confused with lust. 

With the pain associated with love is like knowing that you’re going to die.  When we know that our time has come to an end, we go through the 5 stages of grief (written notably by Elisabeth Kubler Ross).  When our heart is in pain, we also go through the 5 stages of grief because a part of us has died.  The 5 stages of grief (also known as the 5 stages of dying) are:

1. Denial: We try to deny that it is over and keep on saying to ourselves, “We will get back together.” “This isn’t happening to me.”  Reality check, it did happen so deny it all you want.
2. Anger: This is where trying to relax comes in and trying to think clearly needs to come into focus.  “Why is this happening to me?” you keep on asking.  You might become in a destructive mood against yourself or the ex, just focus and don’t try to do anything stupid. 
3. Bargaining: This is where you pray, “Lord, if you get us back together, I will do this or do that…”  “I promise that I will be a better person if…”  First of all, as I have mentioned above, if you ever did get back together, there will be more doubts arising, so what’s the point. 
4. Depression: “I don’t care anymore!!!”  If a person was hurt by love so tremendously, then there is no doubt that you will go through severe depression.  There are number of signs and symptoms associated with depression, such as…1) Too little sleep or too much sleep, 2) Concentration is diminishing, 3) Feeling of helplessness, 4) Eat too little or eat too much, 5) Contemplating suicide, 6) Loss of interest in activities…among many others, but this is just the basics.  If you are or have ever contemplated suicide, seek help immediately.  The state of depression is not a joke and a life might be at stake so seek some help and maybe gets some anti-depressants.  Remember, you have always got your friends, co-workers, if all else fails, call the non-emergency line and just talk to a cop (even though I think all cops are pigs, but in this instance, I’ll make an exception). 
5. Acceptance: After all the crying, the depression slowly vanishing, you finally came to terms that the love has gone, you begin to accept the reality of what has happen and the healing process is just about complete.  Now you’re ready to live…

Thank you for taking the time to read all this, I bet you probably got a can of red bull in your hand by now to prevent you from falling asleep.  Everything that I have mentioned above is not from any books (except for the 5 stages of grief by Elisabeth Kubler Ross and the signs of depression) are all from my own experience as well as all my clients experiences throughout their life.  I am in the process of writing a book called, “The bartenders guide to love and dating”, in which a lot of the stuff mentioned above is in.  I do own an Advice service via the internet called askkellyforadvice.com.  Some of the things mentioned do sound brutal, but that is what I do believe in, brutal honesty when I do give advice.  If I did offend anyone, I do apologize for that, but that was not my intention.  Please leave a comment on what you really thought of this, be brutally honest just as I am when I give Advice.  Thank you once again…….www.askkellyforadvice.com

UPDATE (9-29-09) First, my apologies to all the people out there with carrying the burden of lost love. I do know how you feel and the agonizing pain that is associated with it. I could remember a time when I felt like ripping my heart out of my chest just to ease the pain, even just for a moment.  You are tormenting your mind with the what, if and where.  You keep on saying to yourself, “If I only could talk to him/her just one more time, I know I can convince him/her that we belong together.” “I will stop doing this or stop doing that.”  At that moment in your life while your heart is being anchored down, your common sense approach is totally shot to hell!!!  You’re still in the state of “What if”, instead of “What Now?”  Your questions to yourself should be, “What do I do now?” “What do I do to move on by learning from this experience?”  Having love lost expectedly or unexpectedly can have a detrementing effect on a person’s mental state, emotions, physical well-being and personality.  At that moment, your mind is constantly on him or her and you can’t sustain your own self-worth.  The depression stage has rollercoaster moments and strikes at any time.  Your heart swells enormously with grief, despair, pain and agony that tears begin to form at the very bottom of your emotions.  You cry without hesitant, sometimes even when you thought you were at peace.   Your body yearns to shake everything loose, just to get rid of all the bad karma that you feel is around you.  The body starts to take a different form; it becomes leaner or more corpulent.  The skin underneath you eyes is even becoming heavier, compared to the heart.  Blackness halos around your eyes as little red spider webs start to form in the sclera.  Sleep is deprived; dreams are becoming more vivid as the sandman slowly starts to detach itself.  The brain has the habit of concentrating all of its energy toward that other individual that a daily task, such as brushing your teeth becomes a 200 lb workout.  The only thing that your mind wants to do is sit in idleness.  Yes, I know the feeling all too well.   She had my heart in her gripping hands, slowly applying pressure, squeezing and draining all the blood out of my heart until there was nothing left except for a few strands of muscle fiber.  The fibers that was left behind was barely enough for me to stand up once again. During that moment, the common sense was not close by, or even within sight.  As time accumulated, so did my happiness.  Reality Check; there is no easy way to get rid of the pain that you carry within.  I wish that I could wave my magic wand, sprinkle some ferry dust, say “abracadabra” and POOF, the pain is gone, but unfortunately, that is only in lala land.  Time is the only answer to heal all wounds but living in that time is the most agonizing experience.  I have seen websites, “10 ways to get your ex back”, that is a bucket of B.S.  Even If you two did get back together, there will always be the past to haunt you.  It will never be the same as it once was or is, another fantasy land.  You will always carry a part of that person with you no matter what and there will always be a part of you that will still love that person no matter how much time has elapsed.  I will give you this promise; there will be little less pain inside you with every day that passes.  Brutally; get over it before you let your hair turn into Don King.  I know your scouring the websites to find a formula to completely erase the pain, there is no formula or magic potions.  Time: and time can be a bitch because seconds goes by so slowly.  Love is a powerful too, it has the capability to make you fly and soar to an unbelievable height with the feeling of a 24 hour drunkenness, but then again, it has the capability to crush you with astronomical force to drain every breath out of your lungs to make you slowly gasp for air.  People often use love as a torturous weapon, using it to devour other people’s emotions by preying upon their weakness and their desire to love.  This is called life; sorry.  I wish there is something that I can say or do to ease the pain, but there isn’t.  You can try to look for that magic fairy dust, surf the net for that one magic cure or you can just grit your teeth, tighten your ass and slowly get over the pain. I never said it would be easy.  www.askkellyforadvice.com

Corruption of the Child Support system…

Today, while I was surfing CNN.com, as I normally do every day, I came across this story of a guy name Frank Hatley from Georgia  who just gotten released from jail, spending 13 months for failure to pay child support for a kid that was not his. WTF? This story stated that he proved that he was not the father of a kid back in the year 2000, but the Georgia child support division still wanted money, so they locked his ass away for failure to pay child support for a kid that was not his, in which he proved back in 2000 and he spent 13 months in jail until this community legal activist group came to the rescue. If it was not for this legal activist group, he would still be in jail and the state of Georgia would not give a damn until they got their money.  Georgia can go to hell for putting an innocent man to jail for a kid that was not his. 

I as well had the same problem, about 8 years ago, I did fall into some hard times myself and I took the responsibility to call the El Paso, TX child support services to inform them of my circumstances.  A “bitch” from the El Paso, TX child support main office name Sandra told me, “I don’t care about you. I don’t care about your damn kids. We only care about getting our damn money into this damn office!”

I will never forget what she said to me that day and it still rings in my ear as of this day, quote…end quote. 

I do believe in paying child support, only if the kid is yours or if the kid is yours through adoption. Either way, every parent should be responsible to pay his or her share in providing for their own child or children. I do have a problem when a parent that is paying child support but is unable to do so, especially in these economic downturn, and still faces jail time.  They should at least work with the parent to see if there is another payment method that can be accomplished.  The child support service does not care what or how the economy is, even if you don’t have a job but you are desperately seeking employment. Even if you are working, making minimum wage, paying the most you can, behind on your child support, they will still send you to jail, make you lose your job, your car and take away your privileges to see your kids. 

The child support system always put up commercials about how the father is important in a child’s life, but they don’t hesitate by putting the father in jail, saying that you can only see your child every two weeks between this and this time. The mothers sometimes uses the kids as a leverage, telling the child support bogus lies, then the protective services are called in then the privileges are taken away until the matter is resolved. When it is found out that the lie was bogus, the privileges are reinstated. Does anything happen to the mother for making false accusations and separating the bond between the father and the child, even momentarily…NO!

Yes, the child support system is needed, I do agree with that, but they don’t have a heart when children are involved, they should have a heart and care.  The child support system should be concerned about getting both the parents involved in the child’s life and be motivated by child’s well being as he or she turns into adulthood.  Instead, they are driven by greed, money and cash.  The more money that they collect, the more they look good for the books, so they don’t care about the “damn” family.  The child support is driven by money…nothing else. 

My frustration of the child support system is not through my own experience, except for the excerpt of what Sandra has told me, otherwise, everything else is through what I have seen from my friends, read in clippings and from the experience that my clients at the bar faces. 

The child support system is not perfect by no means or even close to it. It is sad though that their only determination is for money and not for the children or the parents.  They don’t give a F*** about the kids, parents or anything else, as long as the books shows money, woo hoo, then they act like they are the god send of children humanity.  I do have to admit that they do put up a good front on how much that they do care about children, with all the posters, commercials as well as all the other bullsh**, but it’s all fake; as fake as Enron.  If the child support service took control of Enron, then Enron would have never been guilty of corruption.  The child support service is hidden under the corruption of money.

Thinking about Blogs…

All day today, I have been thinking about what topic to write on wordpress and the main theme that I want to represent. I do have a blog on MySpace but as the site name goes, it’s My space and it’s about me. On this blogger, I want to write about what really upsets me the most and share my frustration with the world. There is only one thing that popped into my mind repeatedly (actually, it was the only thing that popped into my mind).
In today’s society, as I walk the streets of downtown El Paso as well as being behind the bar, I constantly hear about the corruption of today’s system…the legal system. How the police harass people for no reason, how people that drives very nice vehicles is able to get 500$ in food stamps, HUD and able to get every government assistance that there is, how people that abuses children constantly (with evidence) gets ignored by the child protective services, how society views men as single fathers and not given the chance to be a father, how the child support system is corrupted, why the police arrest a man with obvious scratches on his face for domestic dispute and not arrest the woman with no physical sign of injury, why the police are “always” harassing the homeless for no reason…I can go on and on about the corruption of today’s system, but I better stop here (you got the point.)
Most of my future posts here on blogger will be about my frustrations of the legal system, it appears someone needs to give a shout out about the corrupted legal system that we do have here.